Sometimes I wonder whether or not writer's block is real or if it interchanges between an excuse and something to blame for my lack of production, my lack of discipline. Then, there's that word discipline, a concept that I've only recently began to associate with writing, simply because writing a whole novel requires a level of discipline that I know I haven't fully tapped into. I can't just wing it. I can't just go with the flow.
To be fair, it's not just the novel experiencing a hold up; I even find myself struggling to come up with something to write in my own journal, despite the million thoughts running in and out of my head constantly. I haven't blogged in what feels like forever. These days my words are reduced to whatever I come up with while I'm scrolling my TL and engaging with my followers. Nothing about that sounds healthy in terms of what I put out into the world as a writer and aspiring author.
Although I read quite a bit, every time I complete a book I'm dissatisfied with the fact that I haven't finished the first draft that I started over 2 years ago at this point. Writing is not only something I've always known I wanted to do with my life to some degree, but also something God placed in my heart to do a very long time ago. There is a divine purpose behind it and it's a rather uncomfortable position to be in to not be living out what I was called to do, essentially.
Even in this moment, as I'm scripting out the words to say on a blog I'm not sure that anyone still reads, I'm forcing myself to write through whatever is stopping me from putting thoughts on paper, on a digital blank canvas, just because - like I said - it's been a while, and I really do need to get back in the flow of writing. It breaks my heart that the most natural thing in the world to me hasn't been easy for me as of late. Maybe if I spend less time on social media...
I digress.
On top of all that, I'm in the middle of re-branding my business acumen, re-branding my entire life really, creating new goals with deadlines for myself, and aiming to be on a totally new wave by the time January hits. 2024 is a mere 4 months away. I've committed 2024 to being my Kobe year with a message of "Do it for Kobe" on days I don't have the will power to do it for myself. The end result, however, is always to glorify God.
I cannot for a single second expect for next year will be any different from the past few years if I continue down the road of procrastination and not giving 100% to the things I know I'm supposed to be doing. Because if I'm being honest, it's hard to call this a writer's block when there's a myriad of reasons why my creativity feels stagnant. It could mean my Sacral Chakra is blocked, as I do consider myself to be a spiritual person and one who is not always aligned properly with my highest self, my highest vibration. It could mean a call to action to unpack, get settled in my new place, clean + cleanse my physical space. Or it could be a need to surrender, give it to God, ask for guidance and direction from the omnipresent, all knowing, all seeing God. Who knows? Maybe this blog post is just the breakthrough I needed.
So far this year, I've read a total of 31 books with a GoodReads goal of 50. It would be a dream for my book to be 1 of the 50 I read, or at least a bonus read. Finish the first draft before the year is over. Breathe. You got this. Nothing wrong with a little pep talk to stop myself from spiraling.
Now I feel ready to conquer the world at 11:24 a.m. How fitting that the minute is 24.
Ps-if you would like to know what I'm reading or what books have my attention at any given moment, follow my #Bookstagram (IG): @BookGyalMagic