I'm walking, with my head held high, into my villain era and I refuse to apologize for it.
It's unfortunate that choosing myself - more often times than not - means becoming the villain in someone else's story, because I'm no longer in a place where I feel the need to explain my side of it nor do I feel the pressure to defend my character. I'm no longer invested in trying to prove a point, prove my worth, or get someone else to understand my point of view. It is what it is and whatever it is for someone else doesn't necessarily determine what it is for me.
Depending on who you ask, I've been selfish for quite some time. I may even be considered a b*tch to some standards, but if you ask me, I'm a selfless person naturally, who would literally give the shirt on my back to someone without clothing. I've taught myself how to be selfish. I've learned how to say no to people when something doesn't align with who I am; learned how to create boundaries, how to only look after me, and so forth. Finding the appropriate time to operate in either is something I'm still determining, but I think it's all about going with my own flow.
I'm only interested in living a life that's driven by honoring myself and doing what resonates with my soul. At one point in time, I thought I had to cater to other people's needs and expectations above my own. I wasn't always okay with being misunderstood. It wasn't until I finally got to a place of realizing that is literally impossible to please everyone, that I decided to focus solely on what brings me satisfaction, joy, peace, all the things; I let whoever think whatever.
At this point in my life, I'm perfectly fine with being the villain. When it comes to me being selfish and standing in that, I know for a fact that I don't have malicious intentions, so it's not offensive to me to be labeled as such. It's not like my huge heart and compassion have completely faded out, I just have learned the importance of prioritizing self and not feeling guilty for it.
I love love - I love to give and receive love - but how can I pour from an empty cup? I've tried it and I'm here to tell you...it doesn't work. In order to show love, I have to be selfish enough to know that I'm worth giving myself that same energy. Also, I'm at a place where I really need to get my shit together and right now, that means ducking off and doing my own thing without having to worry about or consider anyone else.
All that said, this is the last time I'll be writing about this break-up. The End.
Chymere A.
No comments
Post a Comment
Feel free to share your thoughts!